Nothing can quite prepare
I received the news that my dad died. My uncle told me on Saturday that he wasn’t in good shape, and I had planned to go visit him. I missed him by a few hours. It’s hit me a lot harder than I ever expected.
My dad never took care of himself the way he should have, so I feel like I’ve been preparing for this for fifteen years. It didn’t make any difference though. All the thought I put into it and preparation I did meant very little when it actually happened. I’ve been in pretty bad shape for the last two days, and I didn’t expect it quite like that.
It was cancer that technically finished him, but in all honesty it was smoking and lack of being healthy that was the real reason. I’ve learned more from my father than most people I’ve met in my life, but in different ways than a lot of people. I learned so much of what not to do. Not just what not to do. Other things, too, like how to bowl and garden and fish, but so many shining examples of things to avoid. Smoking. Alcohol. Being stubborn. He directly made me who I am today by making some huge mistakes so I never had to. And I’ll be grateful for that for the rest of my life. I wanted to tell him that stuff, but I didn’t get the chance to. He knew I loved him, though, so I’m happy about that.
I hope through me he can be an example to others, too. Take care of yourselves. Toss out the bad habits now so that later the people you love can spend that much more time with you. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for them. But you should want to do it for yourself. You’re an important person who is important to other people, even if you sometimes don’t think that way. He often thought less of himself because of the mistakes he made, but every day is a new chance to make new choices. Every minute, you can decide to change. It’s hard, but you can do it if you try even harder.
Growing up, I always thought my dad was really strong. He seemed to be able to lift anything and nothing was heavy to him. I felt like I’d never be as strong as he was. By the end, he was very weak, from being sick. And I don’t know how much it was my perception of strength it was when I was young, but it’s inspired me to be stronger. I want to be better in that regard. I’m going to start trying to build my own strength.
The reason I’m JKR and not a “real” name is because of him. He insisted I take the family name that he inherited from his father. I am Joseph the Third. Yet because there were already two, people decided to call me JKR instead. It was easier than keeping track of which Joseph you were talking about. So despite the name on my birth certificate, I’ve not been called that a day in my life. It truly has shaped who I am. Going by initials your entire life changes you, because it’s different. It altered everything about my childhood. One seemingly simple choice, a huge, HUGE change in the future. What my life would have been like if my mother had won and called me Michael, I’ll never know.
It always amazed me how many people my dad knew. I never really understood how, but it seemed like walking down the street everyone who passed him knew who he was and said hello. For all the stubbornness and negativity I sometimes dwelt on about him, he made connections with people very easily. He was always kind when it mattered most.
My dad always talked about God, even though sometimes I think he ran away from Him and didn’t listen to what He had to say. I believe he’s with God now, so I don’t cry for him, but for me who has to go many years without seeing him again. I think that when I do see him again, he’ll be strong again. He’ll be the best of all those times in his life that never seemed to sync up when I was around, but made him who he was. And in the meantime, I’ll take every lesson he gave me and try to use them to their fullest. I’ll take this experience and try to make myself better because of it. And I hope that would have made him happy.
July 14th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
R.I.P. Uncle Joe.
July 14th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
My sympathies, friend. You’re a man of no luck at all.
July 14th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Cancer took my grandfather.
…….
Sorry for your loss
July 14th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I think we’ll all know someone in our lifetime who dies from cancer, I know one. I am sorry for your loss
Speaking from my heart to JKR; I think this is the time to put FtM on hiatus until further notice. It’s a time for memorium and reflection.
July 14th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
I’m very sorry, JKR. It sounds like you loved and respected him and he knew it. And you, of all people, can know where he is now.
July 15th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Sorry about your dad, man. And I’m with what Philip said.
July 15th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I just read that whole thing, and began to tear up, and I don’t even know who he was. You really cared for him, JKR. A man that has been with you all of your life, and suddenly gone, even before you get to see him one last time, can be heart-breaking.
You just have to remember; He is in a better place. I’m positive he will support your art and creativity from that better place. It will be hard the next few weeks. Just try and keep looking on any positive side there is. If there isn’t, just remember, you have other family, Q, and your community to help you out in anyway you need.
Good luck, JKR.
July 15th, 2010 at 10:07 pm
“I hope through me he can be an example to others, too. Take care of yourselves. Toss out the bad habits now so that later the people you love can spend that much more time with you. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for them. But you should want to do it for yourself. You’re an important person who is important to other people, even if you sometimes don’t think that way. He often thought less of himself because of the mistakes he made, but every day is a new chance to make new choices. Every minute, you can decide to change. It’s hard, but you can do it if you try even harder.”
I loved that; very true. I myself being very young, I need to make sure to do this now versus it being too late later on. I’m very sorry for the loss. I’ve tried to keep you in my prayers. The fickle mind can forget, but…
July 16th, 2010 at 10:26 am
“You’re a man of no luck at all.”
Oh I don’t know about that. I think I’m extremely blessed. I guess it’s how you look at it. I can see reading the blog that all these things keep happening and it feels like one after another after another, but I have so much to be thankful for at the same time. All these bad things help me to be stronger, if I let them. And while it sucks right now, I know it will push me to even greater things. At least, I hope it will.
Life is always going to have clouds sometimes. As my dad would say “You gotta just keep on going.”
Thanks for the support everybody, I appreciate it.
July 16th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
My Uncle died about 3 years ago. I feel your pain.
July 16th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
What a beautiful tribute. You have my deepest sympathy. If you need anything, just say so.
July 16th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
As your family, we know how wonderful of a person you are, and how far you will go in your life. Just remember you don’t have to push down the broken road alone, even if you do pave it somewhere along the way. We love you, JKR.
July 17th, 2010 at 12:01 am
about putting FtM on hiatus it kinda already is, also remember Jesus is in control, everything has a purpose and happens for a reason.
July 17th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Wow, I’m sorry. I actually started to have little tears in my eyes, and I know this’ll sound crazy, but it’s almost like I know you. For the four years I’ve followed, I’ve learned that you, your wife, and family are just amazing people. You should seriously write a novel whenever you (hopefully not) wrap up FtM.
God bless you, and your family.
~~~KFDWIKI~~~
July 17th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
I’m very sorry to hear that, JKR. I wish you luck and will pray for you and your family. My dad has this quote he has been saying for two years since his dad died. It goes “A man is not a man until he has lost his father.” I can understand this was very hard for you. My grandfather and I were just starting to get close when he passed away. He passed on a few days away from his and my birthday, the 20th of July. I believe the reason he passed was because he was hurt, upset, and lonely. My grandmother/his wife passed away Christmas Eve. So it had been a little over half a year.
But anyway, again, I’m very sorry for your loss.
July 18th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
So… does this mean he’s gonna quit makin’ FredtheMonkey cartoons?
July 18th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
i doubt it. But this, I believe, is not the time to ask.
July 19th, 2010 at 11:09 am
a little late, but sorry for your loss, he sounds like a great man, I sure would’ve loved to meet him.
July 19th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
“So… does this mean he’s gonna quit makin’ FredtheMonkey cartoons?”
Certainly not. If anything, this makes me want to make more cartoons, as my dad was one of the first people who showed me the magic of drawing.
July 19th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Was he ever into animation, or just drawing?
July 20th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Just drawing. I doubt he’d have ever gone into animation, had he pursued art. He was more likely to spend hours and hours getting a drawing just right, unlike myself who is on to the next piece of art before the ink dries on the first. He was much more of a fine artist.
July 21st, 2010 at 2:02 am
Wow this speaks to me, I kind of despise my dad. I can’t stand him but he doesn’t have much time since he had a stroke. But after reading this it makes me want to change that, I want to be able to say things like this about my father. You inspired me yet again JKR thank you! I’m sorry for the loss.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:45 am
I feel so sorry for you. My grandfather from my mother’s side died in late 2001 due to health issues. My condolences to your father. May he rest in peace.